Are You in a Toxic Relationship?
.....Or is someone you care about in one?
You may be in pain and think you should leave, but your heart hasn't figured it out yet. Logically, you don't like what is going on, but you still love your partner. You may wonder if your relationship is worth saving.
If you are in a relationship with a toxic individual, you have been trained to put their needs first. You have probably spent years putting their needs above your own. It may even be uncomfortable to consider putting YOU first. However, the dynamics of your relationship will change only when you learn to do this. Toxic people are often extremely narcissistic and everything is about their needs, their wants. You both spend your time serving their needs. All the while, YOU grow more INVESTED in the relationship (because you are "serving" them). Yet, they grow less "vested" in the relationship.. and show you less respect for your efforts (exactly opposite effect of what you would think would happen).
Does your partner try to control you? (i.e. tell you what friends you can have, where you can go, what you can do, or do they control you with money). They may be so narcisstic they justify "serving their needs" by having an extra-marital relationship? These are all ways they assert control over you.
I've been a divorce attorney for 20+ years and I've seen what a toxic person can do to a relationship (in spite of their non-toxic partner's best efforts to improve the relationship). Even if a non-toxic spouse makes all the changes their toxic partner requests- it is still not enough to bring peace to the relationship. Eventually, the non-toxic partner becomes exhausted from trying to be "perfect", and from trying to do anything and everything to bring sanity to their home. Toxic people rarely give back to the relationship. The acceptance and praise you seek for your sacrifices will go unacknowledged. Toxics are incapable of giving back-......unless they want something.
Changing your relationship can be difficult,- sometimes impossible. It is important you learn how to recapture the strength that has been stripped from you over time. You may not even realize how your relationship has altered who YOU are. You will be able to take back the controls in your life- once you see how a part of YOU is being surrendered daily to keep your toxic partner from jumping on his "roller coaster" and taking you on another emotional, toxic ride. Once you learn how this happens, it will change your life and your relationship. You will become healthy minded - and Empowered Again.
Staying with a partner that devalues everything good about you-... keeps you stuck. You get weaker and weaker... until you don't like whom you have become.
It's time to change your situation. If you allow me to, I'll take you on an incredible journey into the world of Toxic Relationships, the information is told through other people's true life stories. It is a very easy read, and a straight forward, easy to understand book, but it will have a tremendous impact on your thinking. You can regain the self-respect you lost along the way. If you could solve it on your own- you would have a long time ago. You need a mentor, and you're not alone in the journey. We are here to help you each step of the way.
How to Regain Lost Power in Your Relationship.
* Valuable information to stop the verbal and emotional abuse and become empowered in your relationship
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Toxic Relationships, How to Regain
Lost Power In Your Relationship
Hello, I'm Kimberly Brasher, and in 2001, I wrote Toxic Relationships, which was completed and published in 2003. I wanted others to see what I see from my side of the desk as an attorney, and to improve their lives and relationships by having this valuable information.
Once you have read Toxic Relationships, RED FLAGS will go up whenever you are around a person who has toxic behavior- whether directed at you or others. When you begin to see toxic people for what, and who, they are- you won't simply "dismiss" or excuse their actions. Toxic personalities believe they are doing what is in the best interests of the relationship. Strangely, in their minds they think they have to be in ultimate CONTROL of every aspect of your life to keep you where they "need" and want you to stay.
Toxic personalities create an unhealthy environment for a "lasting relationship". Toxic people haven't learned, or been taught, how to love themselves -as a result they are unable to give others what they don't give themselves- unconditional love. Toxic people are very self-absorbed and narcissistic in every way, and act full of themselves and prideful-but it is all counterfeit to their true, embedded feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Their greatest fear is rejection so they refuse to love fully and stay guarded. They only feel comfortable when they are "taking". They take, and take, and take without giving back to the relationship unless it serves an immediate purpose for them.
The most important questions you may be asking are:
- How can I change my role in this relationship?
- How did I get myself into this?
(There are reasons why you may attract and connect
with certain personality types. It is not by chance. Read
and find out about your individual attachment mode.)
- Is my relationship over or not...?
- Will I be able to have a healthy relationship?
- What are my attraction patterns for partners? and
- How can I change my selection process to find a good relationship for me?
- Am I part of Our problem?
- Can this relationship be fixed? Should I even try?
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Kimberly has been teaching and consulting for over 25 years both on a national and local level. She has been a family law attorney for approximately 20 years now.
This book was written so others could benefit from what Kimberly sees from her side of the desk.
The information is insightful, liberating and life-changing. A great step into the light.
1. Are insensitive to their partner's requests
2. Verbally criticize their partners (constant verbal abuse)
3. Are self-absorbed, narcissistic and demanding
4. Hurt and confuse their non-toxic mates
5. Change the rules in the middle of the game
6. De-mean and de-value their mates
7. Control their partner's lives in everything they do
8. Don't take responsibility for their mistakes
9. Lack trust, and often accuse their partners wrongfully
10. Seek physical control over their partners
11. Seek mental control over their partners
12. Seek emotional control over their partners
13. Deny what they said before,...They lie easily, then deny it.
14. Won't acknowledge or praise your accomplishments or efforts.
15. After giving all- you still will be accused of not supporting them.
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Each of us knows what real love feels like and how good it feels. In a Toxic Relationship it is like you are living with an enemy. Someone who fights against you instead of for you.
It's time to make a change.
Read Kimberly's Blog on Relationships:
"Words seem so inadequate to express what your book has done for me and my life, but thank you anyway. I thought I was the only one going through this. I feel so much better- I'm reading it a second time now."
The information you will read about in Toxic Relationships will help you:
- Decide whether or not your relationship is worth saving.
- Learn Empowerment Skills to stop the pain you feel and turn your relationship around.
- Learn why YOU attach to certain types of people,
- See why toxic people may be attracted to you.
- Regain your true "SELF"-esteem
- Start today to become happier by taking back charge of your life.
Do you ever feel like you are going crazy in your relationship? Or that reality seems to SHIFT daily ?
This is a tactic used by Toxic People. They RE-WRITE what happened to make themselves look better. You may know exactly what was said, and you may remember the exact circumstances leading up to your argument or insult. But, your partner changes the facts and re-writes them so they look "justified" in their bad behavior, and oddly, it ends up being
"all YOUR fault".
Are you made to feel if you had just done, .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, This could have been avoided?
So next time, you carefully, change your behavior and you are careful NOT to do A, B, C, D, E, F, G, ... yet you still get criticized or in trouble, then you are told this time you should have done ....L, M, N, O, or P.
Eventually, you learn your changes are never enough. Your Toxic partner is re-writing history. It is a form of verbal abuse. Read and learn how to protect yourself from this in
Toxic Relationships, How to Regain Lost Power in Your Relationship.
A Better Life Publishing Company, LLC.
Look below for BLOG Entry and information
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Toxic E-book below
CHARGE IT NOW! ...
"Here is my new email. I can't wait to read your new E-book. This one has helped me so much already."
"Thank you, thank you is all I can say. I was starting to think I was crazy. Nothing I did seemed to fix things. He just kept getting more mean and more controlling. Now I have found strength in me, and am making changes."
By Kimberly J. Brasher,
Author, Attorney, former Mrs. America
If you have just ended a painful relationship, or believe it is time to do so.....
and BE AWARE that you are most
likely to jump right back into another relationship like
you have just been in- if you don't learn the pattern
and see the red flags shouting to you, "Run, run"!
Arm yourself with the knowledge you need to choose a healthy, new relationship.
Relationships- Toxic or Terrific?
by A Better Life LLC (Brasher-Managing agent) on 04/19/14
If you have had questions about your relationship, should a leave or should I stay? If I decide to stay how can my relationship improve? If I decide to leave how do I prepare? What will happen in the courts? Then you need to read my ebook on Successful Marriage or Successful Divorce...You Decide. This book will answer these questions and more to give you direction as you make this critical decision in your life. That important decision is one I know you don't take lightly and it may even consume your thoughts and emotions right now. You are unable to move on in your life until you figure out what is the best course for you. Staying put and doing nothing IS a decision. It ensures that the very behavior patterns you resent will continue. I had a client once who was in a seriously abusive relationship. I asked her how she finally made the decision to change her circumstances. She said the police had come to their house often. One time she called the police after her husband had shoved her down, broken their laptop and hit her son with a 2 x 4. When the police arrived she asked them through tears, "When are you going to do something about this?" She said, "The officer looked her in the eyes and said, 'Maam I have been coming to your house on complaints like this for years. When are YOU finally going to do something about it?" She described that his comment hit her like a ton of bricks and she knew that she could not continue to ALLOW the behavior to go on and it would if SHE didn't change her circumstances. The saying goes: "Insanity is defined by doing the same thing, but expecting a different result." We have to make the change we want to see happen.
We are here to support you in whatever decision you make. Read Successful Marriage or Successful Divorce.... You Decide and gain clarity on what you need to do next to improve your situation.
Take care of You! Kimberly
by A Better Life LLC (Brasher-Managing agent) on 07/06/13
Toxic people have very low self-esteem under their hardened, "I can do anything" exterior. Sure, they may seem egotistical and feel good about their abilities at work, they may feel successful in sports, they may be good at a number of things, but no external prowess can supplant the gnawing lack of "true individual worth" they feel. If they could see themselves as having intrinsic value -irrespective of any external success -they would not treat other people like they do. Instead, they only "Need" people to feed their unquenchable ego- to make them feel more successful, more "in charge", and of increased worth. They are givers in the beginning simply to get what they want. This behavior sucks their unsuspecting prey into their web. Once achieved, they become un-tiring takers- leaving the prey to wonder "What did I do to turn off his devotions?" "How can I get the real him/her back?" Ever illusive.
by A Better Life LLC (Brasher-Managing agent) on 04/15/13
"Cultivate the Art of the soft-spoken answer", that's what our instructions were on the day we were married. With wisdom that comes with increased age, Gordon B. Hinckley said, "When the volume goes up....Communication goes down, ...so with each other-, Cultivate the Art of the Soft-spoken answer".
Such simple words of magnificent truth... There is wisdom in this advice. I have see this over and over again. I wish I could say I always practiced this principle in my now 30+ year marriage-... but I can't. However, these words have echoed in my mind often since my wedding day.
In our relationships we only control ONE side of the flow of communication. Even if you are living with someone who is quick to anger, runs at the mouth, says thoughtless things to you, pushes all your buttons to the point you want to retalliate... Try to remember this principle. Instead of increasing the volume of the moment with a heated response- Pause. Take a deep breath and calmly and quietly answer respectfully. Always rebuff childishness with maturity and respect... Don't take the bait. You will garner greater respect for Yourself in the long run ...and so will your spouse or significant other.