Are You in a Toxic Relationship?
.....Or is someone you care about.
You may be in pain and think you should leave, but your heart hasn't figured it out yet. Logically you don't like what is going on, but you still love your partner. You may wonder if your relationship is worth saving.
If you are in a relationship with a toxic individual, you have been trained to put their needs first. You have probably spent years putting their needs above your own. It may even be uncomfortable to consider putting YOU first. However, the dynamics of your relationship will change only when you learn to do this. Toxic people are often extremely narcissistic and everything is about their needs, their wants. You both spend your time serving their needs. All the while, YOU grow more INVESTED in the relationship (because you are "serving" them). Yet, they grow less "vested" in the relationship.. and show you less respect for your efforts (exactly opposite of what you would think would happen).
Does your partner try to control you? (i.e. tell you what friends you can have, where you can go, what you can do, or do they control you with money). They may be so narcisstic they justify "serving their needs" by having an extra-marital relationship? These are all ways they assert control.
I've been a divorce attorney for 20+ years and I've seen what a toxic person can do to a relationship (in spite of their non-toxic partner's best efforts to improve the relationship). Even if a non-toxic spouse makes all the changes their toxic partner requests- it is still not enough to bring peace in the relationship. Eventually, the non-toxic partner becomes exhausted from trying to be perfect, and from trying to do anything and everything to bring sanity to their home. Toxic people rarely give back to the relationship. They are takers. The acceptance and praise you seek for your sacrifices will go unacknowledged. Toxics are incapable of giving back-......unless they want something.
Changing your relationship can be difficult,- sometimes impossible. It is important you learn how to recapture the strength that has been stripped from you over time. You may not even realize how your relationship has altered who YOU are. You will be able to take back the controls in your life- once you see how a part of YOU is being surrendered daily to keep your toxic partner from jumping on his "roller coaster" and taking you on another emotional, toxic ride. Once you learn how this happens, it will change your life and your relationship. You will become healthy minded - and empowered.
Staying with a partner that devalues everything good about you-... keeps you stuck. You get weaker and weaker... until you don't like whom you have become.
It's time to change your situation. If you allow me to, I'll take you on an incredible journey into the world of toxic relationships, the information is told through other people's true life stories. It is a very easy read, and a straight forward, easy to understand book, but it will have a tremendous impact on your thinking. You can regain the self-respect you lost along the way. Don't think you can solve your relationship on your own. You need a mentor, and you're not alone in the journey. We are here to help you each step of the way.
How to Regain Lost Power in Your Relationship.
* Valuable information to stop the verbal and emotional abuse and become empowered in your relationship
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Toxic Relationships, How to Regain
Lost Power In Your Relationship
Hello, I'm Kimberly Brasher, and in 2001, I wrote Toxic Relationships, which was completed and published in 2003. I wanted others to see what I see from my side of the desk as an attorney, and to improve their lives and relationships by having this valuable information.
Once you have read Toxic Relationships, RED FLAGS will go up whenever you are around a person who has toxic behavior- whether directed at you or others. When you begin to see toxic people for what, and who, they are- you won't simply "dismiss" or excuse their actions. Toxic personalities believe they are doing what is in the best interests of the relationship. Strangely, in their minds they think they have to be in ultimate CONTROL of every aspect of your life to keep you where they "need" and want you to stay.
Toxic personalities create an unhealthy environment for a "lasting relationship". Toxic people haven't learned, or been taught, how to love themselves -as a result they are unable to give others what they don't give themselves- unconditional love. Toxic people are very self-absorbed and narcissistic in every way, and act full of themselves and prideful-but it is all counterfeit to their true, embedded feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Their greatest fear is rejection so they refuse to love fully and stay guarded. They only feel comfortable when they are "taking". They take, and take, and take without giving back to the relationship unless it serves an immediate purpose for them.
The most important questions you may be asking are:
- How can I change my role in this relationship?
- How did I get myself into this?
(There are reasons why you may attract and connect
with certain personality types. It is not by chance. Read
and find out about your individual attachment mode.)
- Is my relationship over or not...?
- Will I be able to have a healthy relationship?
- What are my attraction patterns for partners? and
- How can I change my selection process to find a good relationship for me?
- Am I part of Our problem?
- Can this relationship be fixed? Should I even try?
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Kimberly has been teaching and consulting for over 25 years both on a national and local level. She has been a family law attorney for approximately 20 years now.
This book was written so others could benefit from what Kimberly sees from her side of the desk. The information is insightful, liberating and life-changing.
1. Are insensitive to their partner's requests
2. Verbally criticize their partners (constant verbal abuse)
3. Are self-absorbed, narcissistic and demanding
4. Hurt and confuse their non-toxic mates
5. Change the rules in the middle of the game
6. De-mean and de-value their mates
7. Control their partner's lives in everything they do
8. Don't take responsibility for their mistakes
9. Lack trust, and often accuse their partners wrongfully
10. Seek physical control over their partners
11. Seek mental control over their partners
12. Seek emotional control over their partners
13. Deny what they said before,...They lie easily, then deny it.
14. Won't acknowledge or praise your accomplishments or
15. After giving all- you still will be accused of not supporting them.
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Each of us knows what real love feels like and how good it feels. In a Toxic Relationship it is like you are living with an enemy. Someone who fights against you instead of for you.
It's time to make a change.
Read Kimberly's Blog on Relationships:
"Words seem so inadequate to express what your book has done for me and my life, but thank you anyway. I thought I was the only one going through this. I feel so much better- I'm reading it a second time now."
The information you will read about in Toxic Relationships will help you:
- Decide whether or not your relationship is worth saving.
- Learn Empowerment Skills to stop the pain you feel and turn your relationship around.
- Learn why YOU attach to certain types of people,
- See why toxic people may be attracted to you.
- Regain your true "SELF"-esteem
- Start today to become happier by taking back charge of your life.
Do you ever feel like you are going crazy in your relationship? Or that reality seems to SHIFT daily ?
This is a tactic used by Toxic People. They RE-WRITE what happened to make themselves look better. You may know exactly what was said, and you may remember the exact circumstances leading up to your argument or insult. But, your partner changes the facts and re-writes them so they look "justified" in their bad behavior, and oddly, it ends up being
"all YOUR fault".
Are you made to feel if you had just done, .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, This could have been avoided?
So next time, you carefully, change your behavior and you are careful NOT to do A, B, C, D, E, F, G, ... yet you still get criticized or in trouble, then you are told this time you should have done ....L, M, N, O, or P.
Eventually, you learn your changes are never enough. Your Toxic partner is re-writing history. It is a form of verbal abuse. Read and learn how to protect yourself from this in
Toxic Relationships, How to Regain Lost Power in Your Relationship.
A Better Life Publishing Company, LLC.
Look below for BLOG Entry and information
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"Thank you, thank you is all I can say. I was starting to think I was crazy. Nothing I did seemed to fix things. He just kept getting more mean and more controlling. Now I have found strength in me, and am making changes."
By Kimberly J. Brasher,
Author, Attorney, former Mrs. America
If you have just ended a painful relationship, or believe it is time to do so.....
and BE AWARE that you are most
likely to jump right back into another relationship like
you have just been in- if you don't learn the pattern
and see the red flags shouting to you, "Run, run"!
Arm yourself with the knowledge you need to choose
a healthy, new relationship.
Relationships- Toxic or Terrific?
by A Better Life LLC (Brasher-Managing agent) on 04/15/13
"Cultivate the Art of the soft-spoken answer", that's what our instructions were on the day we were married. With wisdom that only comes with age, Gordon B. Hinckley said, "When the volume goes up....Communication goes down, ...so with each other-, Cultivate the Art of the Soft-spoken answer".
Such simple words of magnificent truth. I have seen the wisdom in this advice over and over again. I wish I could say I always practiced this principle in my now 30 year marriage-... but I can't. Yet these words have echoed in my mind often since my wedding day.
In our relationships we can only control ONE side of the flow of communication. Even if you are living with someone who is quick to anger, runs at the mouth, says thoughtless things, pushes all your buttons... Try to remember this principle. Instead of increasing the volume with a heated response- Pause. Then take a deep breath and calmly and quietly answer respectfully. Always rebuff childishness with maturity and respect... Don't take the bate. You will garner greater respect for yourself in the long run and so will your spouse.